| Tuesday, March 07, 2006 |
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i never ever imagine how someone's decision can affect another person so deeply. i went to it. the atmosphere was awkward. i have not seen her or even talk to her for 4 years counting. the last i ever mention her was when guna said she looked chio. now, she is just standing in front of me. eyes were too red to wear contacts. tears were spilling out of her eyes. the rest started crying too. except me. i didnt know what to do but somehow, no tears wanted to come out. i have not cried since this year. but i feel so sad. then sp's mother came. she was already tearing. she let us through the simple procedure of respecting the dead. i saw her. the cold her. and i was struck by how kind she looked. and what she did. i just cant believe she would ever do that. i heard sp's mother said about how they were going out for lunch and something like that. i suddenly realise how vulnerable life was. last decemeber. now. i really wish that everyone would stay happy and safe. even if u r feeling down, dont ever do things that will hurt urself. and hurt others even more. she was like a broken shell. anything could affect her and she would just break out in tears. every single thing. perhaps i was not that close to her, that's why i could not cry. but the severity and the grief hit me hard in the face. the worst thing was her brother acted as if nothing happened. he was still leisurely popping gummies bought from mini toons into his mouth while his sister sat there sobbing. i guess i cant comfort people very well. i have no idea what to tell her. i havent talk to her since p6. and she is crying. i just feel bloody useless. just like last dec. everything is going so so wrong. this. huang cheng. my studies. every single freaking thing. and to my friends out there, i wont leave you. so dont u all dare to ever leave me. may the lord god bless her. wash away her sins and let her up to heaven. may you rest in peace. R.I.P 7th march 2006 |