| Thursday, February 01, 2007 |
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sigh. this so isnt what i am supposed to do. im in lep room. im supposed to be doing my reaction kinetics tutorial or even vectors tutorial because friday is a tutorial day. then somehow, the com beckons me. i look and i got attracted. so here i am, blogging. i dont know what's wrong with me recently. i seriously dont know. physically tired? i dont know. i need to get high! i need something that can continue sustaining me through all the way till march. i dontk now. ive been playing lame games, listening to endless soundtracks one after another to search for stuff i need. 黄城，让你的梦想起飞。 is it me? or is everything affecting me a lot. i dont want to care any longer. somehow, i think im kinda like a robot nowadays. i chat because i am supposed to. i crap because that's what people think i will do. i pout cos...there's nothing for me to smile at. to think there was once upon a time when i couldnt smile when im playing the staring game. truth to be told, i still cant play that game. i smile too easily. yes, the smile. i can smile when someone tells me to. but when can i really smile at something, someone that cheers me up? i dont know. im supposed to be happy. happy doing what i love. happy with those nice people that are yellow citizens. lol. im just laughing at all the lame jokes that my juniors make, the fun and stupidity of our batch people. and im doing things. no worries. it is at this kind of moment where there's nothing to do. im supposed to stare at some lecture notes. i start getting mellow. what am i really doing? havent i been asking myself over and over again? why cant i be really high, happy right now? im reliant on people, im not going to deny it. my happiness sort of hinges on how humans react in a certain way. yet when im in this kind of mood, there's nothing i can do except wait. wait....shouldnt i be proactive and do some worthy stuff? worthy stuff? what? nothing. it's all me right. so dreary. so pessimistic. so unlike wen en. so unlike the fun loving cheerful me. where has she gone to? has wen en been locked out at the gate of fun by uncle chong? or is it just that the tired demon is holding on to my leg, refusing to let go. no matter how much i struggle and want out. im sick and tired. just let me fall sick. have fun. whatever..i seriously so want to watch a movie. lose myself in it. then rejoin back this body of mine and look on. look on. the days ahead. more fun, more joy, more tiredness. i think 我们黄城人都是一群疯子。 ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~ *shouting out at someone i feel okay. i am. i do. stop being crazy in the head, emoing or whatever. tutorial. remember the more important stuff waiting for u. what crap. love, grumpy_ *im not supposed to be grumpy. im supposed to be smiling. cos my smile is nice...why doesnt people compliment me and make my day?!!!???!!!!! sigh. at least................hmmm must be the music im listening to, making me sad or all....chocs. ice cream. that's the key. im a schizo. wont crying be fun? tears dont like me. im unfriendly. gah. this is getting so incoherent but it's fun to type out stupid entries that no one understands. really? |