| Monday, April 14, 2008 |
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i disappear and remain invisible to some people. to all people. if i'm suffering and in turmoil, just heck me okay? then i'll cry and somehow, i'll find a way out. to understand myself all the more better. i shall. i talk like bloody yoda. Labels: fall |
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sometimes i wonder if i don't dream enough. maybe i don't. maybe i'm just plain lazy. or maybe i just don't want to have that disappointment when i finally get the results. i'm more inclined to the third. i believe that is the reason. i don't think i'm good. to be honest. i don't think i'm good enough for anything. i'm mentally immature, lazy and playful. if given a chance, i just want to travel. i don't even have this dream of having a successful career etc. or perhaps i'm just scared by the uncertainties in life. i'm not a good speaker, a result of the rv education i had. maybe i just appear very unfriendly to people, lack of confidence and an airhead. like i say. i'm not good enough. i read about people pursuing what they want, achieving it and i look at myself. am i anywhere close? nope. i had like a couple of rejections. they hurt, i move on, but they still remain. when i finally try, i do slightly better but never impressive. i don't know. i'm really clueless. i need to dream. i need to have a dream. but somehow, running away from all of it sounds much better. focusing on the moment instead of anything else. i don't think i try hard enough. not working hard enough for my aspiration, my career. i'm literally stuck somewhere, not moving, not advancing. and i'm not trying. that's the problem. i wonder if i'll ever succeed in life like this. a positive mindset, a right set of beliefs can go a long way. me? they're evidently lacking. i wish i know myself, what i want and my dream. no one can tell me about myself more than i can. yet somehow, i'm already lost. i can't find a way out of it except escaping. well. breathe. i'll live. just with what. happiness. or? be successful? damn my education. what did i learn? i don't know. i don't know anything anymore. i wish they'll call. oh well. believe that in whatever i do, i'll find my niche, enjoy the process and come out happy and satisfied. this is life, isn't it? RAWR. but i thank god for giving me life. to be able to enjoy the small wonders on earth while i contemplate about the unfairness of life. about the uncertainties of life and about my non-existent confidence. and trust that somehow, i'll find my calling. and start enjoying whatever i may do. if only. now for my uni education. what now? Labels: fall |