finding my polestar

2008-06-13T19:58:00.001+08:00

i miss you so much.

i love you.

dearest to me.

boo

2008-05-22T21:19:00.002+08:00

i dont know a lot of stuff right now. about myself. about my future. perhaps in some part of me, i knew i'm not up to becoming a doctor. i tried but still. it came up nil. i'm disappointed. i cried badly. but i'm fine.

so i'm wondering actually how much i wanted it. things have always been okay for me. rvhs. hci. huang cheng. studies. and then it came down to this. university. the choice is clear, my path has sort of been chosen for me. i just dont know how well i can do in it, how much i want it and how much im interested in it.

i'll take the first few weeks as experience but i'm sure i can find some joy in it. afterall, i always did.

believe in myself. just earn money and travel. perhaps then i can finally fulfill a childhood desire of mine. travelling.

i have friends who are troubling. well, i am too. over uncertainities. but when i make a decision, or somehow things don't work out, i don't want to regret stuff.

i don't know anything anymore. right now.

if anyone needs me, i'll be there.

whatever

2008-04-14T22:08:00.002+08:00

i disappear and remain invisible to some people. to all people. if i'm suffering and in turmoil, just heck me okay?

then i'll cry and somehow, i'll find a way out. to understand myself all the more better. i shall.

i talk like bloody yoda.

myself

2008-04-14T20:24:00.002+08:00

sometimes i wonder if i don't dream enough. maybe i don't. maybe i'm just plain lazy. or maybe i just don't want to have that disappointment when i finally get the results. i'm more inclined to the third. i believe that is the reason. i don't think i'm good. to be honest. i don't think i'm good enough for anything.

i'm mentally immature, lazy and playful. if given a chance, i just want to travel. i don't even have this dream of having a successful career etc. or perhaps i'm just scared by the uncertainties in life. i'm not a good speaker, a result of the rv education i had. maybe i just appear very unfriendly to people, lack of confidence and an airhead.

like i say. i'm not good enough. i read about people pursuing what they want, achieving it and i look at myself. am i anywhere close? nope. i had like a couple of rejections. they hurt, i move on, but they still remain. when i finally try, i do slightly better but never impressive. i don't know. i'm really clueless.

i need to dream. i need to have a dream. but somehow, running away from all of it sounds much better. focusing on the moment instead of anything else. i don't think i try hard enough. not working hard enough for my aspiration, my career. i'm literally stuck somewhere, not moving, not advancing.

and i'm not trying. that's the problem. i wonder if i'll ever succeed in life like this.

a positive mindset, a right set of beliefs can go a long way. me? they're evidently lacking. i wish i know myself, what i want and my dream. no one can tell me about myself more than i can. yet somehow, i'm already lost. i can't find a way out of it except escaping.

well. breathe. i'll live. just with what. happiness. or?

be successful?

damn my education.

what did i learn? i don't know. i don't know anything anymore.

i wish they'll call.

oh well.

believe that in whatever i do, i'll find my niche, enjoy the process and come out happy and satisfied. this is life, isn't it?

RAWR.

but i thank god for giving me life. to be able to enjoy the small wonders on earth while i contemplate about the unfairness of life. about the uncertainties of life and about my non-existent confidence. and trust that somehow, i'll find my calling.

and start enjoying whatever i may do.

if only. now for my uni education.

what now?

whiskey

2008-03-06T16:03:00.001+08:00

this is exactly how it feels like.

a dull ache in the heart. the pain, the hurt and the tears which refuse to fall. alone. i know there are people out there but right now i can't feel their presence. i know they are there. but why cant i feel you? there are so many habitual actions which i do and it's coming back to haunt me. especially in a time like thise. especially when im needy. perhaps im pmsing. i dont know. but i feel horrible.

im supposed to be optimistic but all i see are dark clouds even though the sky is visibly a clear white and blue. xiuhui is the more optimistic one, so is xinyu. or they just dont show their vulnerable side. i dont want to be this negative generator. i try to radiate positivity but somehow, all the more im hurting. from the normal actions. from their normal attitudes. because i know that's what i'll do.

because i need more. and no one is giving.

i need to stay strong.

*takes a deep breath.

i will.

somehow.

i know

2008-03-02T22:43:00.000+08:00

emo is the word.

what?

nothing.

i wish i was an ostrich.

i could dig a hole and stick my head into it. i would breath in the dirt filled iar and wonder why im living now.

i am happy.

but.

sometimes i want to relive moments.

stay young.

and remember.

blinks

2008-01-01T20:45:00.000+08:00

reality keeps creeping into my view of this fantasy world.

get it out.

i want to be in my cotton candy world.

argh

2007-12-15T12:04:00.000+08:00

bunch of lies.

wth

2007-12-15T12:00:00.000+08:00

they say friendship is a two way traffic. or rather in sze hwee's nick.

be sincere.

i wasnt sincere? of course i was. i never doubt that. seriously. if i did, i wont even go to the point of telling some people certain stuff. but i guess it doesnt matter. nothing really does. if u guys dont even know what's wrong and...

whatever. childish or maybe it's just that im bitter.

i dont give a damn anymore.

i didnt choose to pull away or anything. you chose to push me away completely until i cant bring myself to even communicate because i find it futile. you dont even care about me any longer. i know it. so why the pretense.

wth

2007-12-13T22:14:00.000+08:00

sigh.

it ain't easy to live.

your worries.

your fears.

why am i dwelling on unhappiness. look at happy stuff..

im trying but there's this naggy feeling at the back.

the last dot

2007-12-12T19:15:00.000+08:00

...

sometimes self isolation is good

it saves you from worry

from heartache

from a billion kind of things you hate

worthless feelings are easy to find

why must we get a job?

why must we face rejection?

why must we go on with life?

can i just run to somewhere and live the...

i wish i had money

a faraway wish but i'm not living in fairytale kingdom.

can i bring my prince with me?

and my royal family?

haha.

lovely

2007-07-16T19:31:00.000+08:00

just lovely to be here.

feeling the warmth from heated red skin..

=)

but harry potter wasnt as cute or as cool or as anything...

wondering

2007-07-14T16:05:00.000+08:00

i dont know where the person i love went to.

it doesnt feel like him at all even though it looks like him, feels like him.

maybe it's got to do with the fact im quiet. but i dont know how to say anything.

because he's not responding to me.

at all.

it's like....

i want him back.

not it.

did i chase him away? was it all my fault?

im trying. i will do it.

just respond back to me.

dont let me be alone.

im scared.

i want you...

but you dont seem to want me anymore.

and it's my fault.

smile!

2007-07-11T19:20:00.001+08:00

two become one.

a song title that joanne told me about and i guess it's very true.

one.

i'm here. i always will be for you.

what the hell

2007-06-28T13:03:00.000+08:00

im really zi tao ku chi.

the skin of my hands. both hands. knuckles. flesh.

they're all red.

red.

and hurting.

and it's my fault.

because..

im not strong enough.

i didnt study enough.

and now they're hurting.

and im hurting.

and there's still biology tmr.

what the hell am i doing?

mired

2007-06-25T23:37:00.000+08:00

held back.

by.

what?

holding on.

to.

what?

hanging in.

for.

what?

blocks?

hah.

myself.

and...

hope...

2007-06-22T22:17:00.000+08:00

u know the little thing that was left in pandora's box? hope?

where is it?

why cant i see it for this blocks?

oh well, i was never magical to begin with.

what am i doing?

what i missed

2007-06-16T22:20:00.000+08:00

today was totally unexpected but i loved it. i smiled as i walk home, remembering. i remembered the meaning of old friends. friends who never see each other for a long time yet when they come together it seems we have always been together.

two of us. bbqing. fun. =)

haha. trying to get the fire going. but most of all, i recall the marshmallows. not because it's sweet and melting and i'll get tired of it.

the fading embers of the charcoal coupled with roasting of marshmallows and a whole lot of talking.

that's what life should always be.

comfort and happiness.

yeah, even though our legs were tired and all....

im glad i did the bbq. and ....

yeah. i miss those days. innocence. sincerity. no false fronts.

youth.

losing it

2007-06-10T16:15:00.000+08:00

im trying to concentrate. i really am. attemtping to sit down at my table, look at the notes. somehow, enzymes dont appeal to me. nothing does. tried my hand at maths. the question seemed so familiar. dug out my worksheets and all and still, behold, i cant do the bloody damn question.

and ants. ants. idiotic pesky ants. crawling on the wall from outside. why do u even want to come approach me??!!! my room. i like lambs not ants. so ants, scram!

i think im going crazy. i think im becoming antisocial too. daoing everyone. regarding my phone as a vile piece of object. ditto msn. trying to reply the most basic. which reminds me, i cant sms yanling, i dont have her number. ocean 13.

me. what i want to do.

questions.

no answers.

and what faces me is a bunch of "i dont know how to do" complex numbers questions and super unappealing enzymes notes. i cant go beyond. this. cant step it. and i end up reading about people's lives. blogs. cos they all seem so much more interesting.

shall i just jump into middle earth and become an elf. with sharp pointy ears. i certainly dont mind blonde hair. living in rivendell. hah. i wish.

i wish i was given more time. i wish i knew what i wanted to do. i wish i could be sure.

and uncertainty keeps staring back.

i know.

enzymes is not exactly the most fascinating thing on earth. that are more.

maybe i should just go be an ostrich. sticking my head on the earth when im frightened. maybe. ill excel in that.

im...

oh heck.

no one cares.

no one ever do.

yes they do.

they care.

but do i?

right now.

yes and no.

but seriously.

i wish for a dark and stormy sky right now. so rain will pour.

yes. that's it.

i want rain.

decisions

2007-05-29T00:18:00.000+08:00

want.

desire.

decision.

decisiveness.

high.

im working towards this.

im finding this.

im feeling happier.

for you.

and me.

and.

yeah.

i want.

*bish

2007-05-15T19:45:00.000+08:00

just whatever.

i've calmed down.

everything is going to be just fine.

not running away just yet.

i still want a hug.

super cold today.

and lonely right now, at this moment.

run away

2007-05-15T19:23:00.000+08:00

go away.

go away.

i want to run away.

away.

away.

from everything.

i need to calm down.

calm down.

breathe in.

breathe out.

i can settle this.

i can deal with it.

i need you but you have to be away for a while.

ill wait.

i can.

i have strength.

i just need comfort.

i want a hug.

still...

run.

clears your head and leave your cares behind.

finding the bright spark in everything.

*nods.

go shower.

the day before labour day

2007-05-02T17:35:00.000+08:00

on 30 april, several people from the class of 06s77 in HCI,
decided to reward themselves with an outing after working
for such a long time. after all, it was their day the very
next day. LABOUR DAY. we, the workers, should go out and
enjoy ourselves for a bit.

so these bunch of little kids were determined to play.
they went to their celebration at the work place before
heading to the new expressway, ECP.

their celebration was pathetic. watching unknown people
running their asses off. it was pretty entertaining but
it turns out watching people fight one another was more
interesting.

also, there was a random piece of artwork that doesnt
appear to be much of an artwork but still, it provided
an insight to....

group hug. the yellow family comes together for a family
photo. why is the littlest son not there? she's sacrificing
herself to take the picture. the father? BUSY lalaing with
his gf. >.< tsk. the bad examples parents set nowadays.

smiles. this is a cute pic. posing for the camera, the
classic pose for the girl and the classic pose for the guy.
learn people, learn!

then off we go on our long long journey to the other side
of the world, the east side. lala~

and here we are at our second rest point. why are we there?
cos mingwei is super slow and he didnt come to sports meet.
that's why the yellow family is lazing around. why are u
wasting our precious time...we could have gone to..... sleep?

separated at birth and reunited at Bedok Jetty. haha. see?
the girls are fragile and need protection from the sun. not
forgetting aunties....more umbrellas please!

and the exhausted four manages to catch up with the looping
gang. not forgetting a photo first. to showcase our sweat,
tired and still cheerful personalities.

the act cute picture! group pic. on a nice sunny day, with
the rays of the sun shining so brilliantly upon our faces,
we decided to spread some joy back on to earth. the aim is
reach out to the world displaying the kawaiiness of each and
very person that went on this outing. =)

after cycling, back we are at the bike shop. of course, to
round off the day. another round of pictures. to preserve
this moment of youth and fool hardiness.

ahhh~ the days of 17 and 18!

and not forgetting...even though u may be slightly turned off
by the next pic, which i have no idea why cos both of us are
cute, yeah...

=)

lovely day with everyone.

oh yeah..everyone is a "DA MEI NV" *claps.

fun laughter peace joy.

out~

oh yeah....for the entire album of pictures,
51 pics in all. go to this link:

http://www.twango.com/channel/shuney.eastcoast

operation love

2007-05-01T17:47:00.000+08:00

photos.

they preserve that very special moment for you. that period of time where everything comes to a halt.

when u look back, u see those smiling faces looking back at you. angelic faces. our faces have that innocence and child-like joy. laughing at the simplest stuff.

maybe that's why i like to take pictures. pictures of us.

us. part of the class of 06s77.

yes, maybe we're not very close but in this scattered group of people, we found our calling.

a few people coming together, mixing well, able to communicate.

that's why we're friends. maybe we do bitch about certain people, talk bad and even gossip about how unspontaneous some people are. ultimately, i believe we still love each other.

perhaps some more than the others or a different kind of love, but yes.

love.

<3

the personalities.

and..

not forgetting the people from huangcheng, rv. every one out there has in a way shape my life.

to be more colourful and allowing me to embrace life more ....

*cant find a word for that.

meanwhile....keep a lookout here! photos coming! =)

facts

2007-04-22T22:04:00.000+08:00

oh well.

that's why u cant listen to people spreading stuff.

yep.

haha.

gah.

rain.

ice cream.

rum and raisin.

scooters

2007-04-22T20:59:00.000+08:00

*breathes in

*breathes out

*inhale

*exhale

im breathing! not very smoothly but still respiring from my nose. =) which is a wonder considering breathing through my mouth has been much easier some few days ago.

im lucky to be alive.

just now. i was talking about how i wanted to be outside during a thunderstorm. being in a car watching the rain drops pelt against the windows. maybe i dont want this scenario anymore. it's best to be indoors. where u watch the rain rage against all that blocks it and u're inside safe and sound.

i can cuddle up to ... i can hug my soft toys. ... i can wear my jacket.... or just perhaps drink hot tea and watch the weather does its... magic. awful magic. good magic.

it gives and takes.

4 little kids.

and guess where?

ex west coast rvhs compound.

gah.

out.

in the swirling waters.

rain drops falling hard.

hurting them in the face.

but they wont fill it.

cos they are surrounded by it.

wait.

2007-04-16T17:28:00.000+08:00

do i know?

perhaps.

do i do it?

maybe.

do i want?

yes.

do i wish?

yes.

what do i do then?

sigh.

i know.

one word.

time

2007-04-16T17:02:00.000+08:00

歌曲：你给我多少时间
歌手: 莫文蔚专辑: i
词:周耀辉&李焯雄曲:马怡静

hey,到底要多少时间
才能真的互相了解
oh~hey,到底要多少思念
才能抓住你的视线

hey,我就在你的身边
却又隔一光年
究竟只差一瞬间或永远
爱是两个人的原野
可我一个人狩猎
什么过眼
在你再消失以前
你给我多少时间

hey,爱就在你的身边
可是你看不见
究竟要走到海角或天边
才是两个人的终点
可我一个人搁浅
什么云烟
我给你一场爱恋
你到底给我多少时间 hey~

歌曲：爱情
歌手: 莫文蔚专辑: karen more
词曲:作词:姚谦 (台语)张洪量
作曲:张洪量
编曲:董运昌

(若不是因为爱着你)怎么会夜深还没睡意
每个念头都关於你我想你想你好想你

(若不是因为爱着你)怎会有不安的情绪
每个莫名的日子里我想你想你好想你

爱是折磨人的东西却又舍不得这样放弃
不停揣测你的心里可有我姓名

爱是我唯一的秘密让人心碎却又着迷
无论是用什么言语只会(只会)思念你

(若不是因为爱着你)怎会不经意就叹息
有种不完整的心情爱你爱你(爱着你)

chin up

2007-04-16T16:39:00.000+08:00

i was walking home just now, on the very same path of the park i walk almost every single school day.

i spotted.

branches.

puddles of rainwater.

dried leaves.

sand.

mud.

grass.

trees.

and drops of rain.

drops of...

haha. a hit squad.

i...

rain.

at least the skies clear after the rain falls. dont they?

white fluffy clouds.

twinkling little stars.

sounds like a nursery rhyme.

nature seems so much warmer than it used to be.

i wish.

i care.

heck.

just wait.

for...

because...

happy ions

2007-04-11T20:30:00.000+08:00

i know i havent been in the best of moods exactly. perhaps talking to me has somewhat become a conversation of me complaining, whining, thinking and contemplating.

i think i have finally found an answer but the thing is whether i want to carry it out.

i can do it.

i will.

because i know i can.

can someone surprise me? (other than dear suqping who was sweet!)

yeah.

i need some extra joy in life.

tagged

2007-04-10T22:07:00.000+08:00

These are the rules: Each player of this game starts out by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog!

i cant believe im doing this. i seriously cant. here goes. sigh. think, wen en, think!

1. I won a competition when i was a baby for the best smile. =) when my dad went to collect the prize, the person asked him how was his son??!?!!!!!???!!! at least i looked cute even though my gender is mistaken. >.<

2. chemistry is like my favourite subject because of the teachers that teach it. concidentally, the wonderful teachers that taught me were all weird but nice male teachers. chow who had big eyes and mr teo!!

3. i actually did like all the people that are making a fool of themselves right now like britney spears and david beckham. then again, how old was i? i was young and foolish then. time makes u mature. haha.

4. my hair used to be super curly when i was young. somehow, i managed to outgrow the curly hair i have and now have relatively straighter hair. then again, god knows how many people have asked me whether i permed my hair.

5. im like the official tutor for my brother for maths and chem. wonder when is he going to start asking me about physics and all that crap. worse thing is, i dont really recall all my stuff and i cant even understand basic secondary 3 math cos of all the new syllabus whatsoever.

6. i simply adore little boys. have a fetish for them. i even thought of names for three little boys if i ever have them. a pair of older twins and a little brother.

>.<

okay. need to really get some work done since im not sleeping at the moment. i just got very worked up explaining the concept of percentage purity to my brother. for the blur, it's actual yield over theoretical yield multiply by a 100.

6 people to tag:
since my dear natania and seewah who are more avid bloggers themselves have done it, it's time for lala to touch it!
1. Wilson
2. Joanne
3. Minghao
4. Zhengjie
5. Junghiong
6. hmm....my angel is in ns.

monday night

2007-04-09T19:02:00.000+08:00

i need some reorganisation, motivation and positive thoughts.

have no idea why am i thinking about all these nonsense when i should be focusing on now. perhaps im finally worried. after countless months of not worrying or thinking about other matters at hand, im finally looking at the issue.

i shouldnt. i wont. not now until i re sort everything.

why am i here now? i should focus.

funny how i keep telling myself to focus, i end up focusing on being focus instead of really focusing.

crap.

i need energy.

feeling like a monday but someday ill be saturday night..

2007-04-02T23:13:00.000+08:00

歌曲：爱很简单
歌手：陶喆

忘了是怎么开始
也许就是对你有一种感觉
忽然间发现自己已深深爱上你
真的很简单
爱得地暗天黑都已无所谓
是是非非无法决择
没有后悔为爱日夜去跟随
那个疯狂的人是我喔......
i love you
无法不爱着你
说你也爱我
i love you
永远不愿意
baby失去你

不可能更快乐
只要能在一起
做什么都可以
虽然世界变个不停
用最真诚的心
让爱变得简单
爱得地暗天黑都已无所谓
是是非非无法决择
没有后悔为爱日夜去跟随
那个疯狂的人是我喔......

i love you
我一直在这里一直在爱你
i love you
永远都不放弃
这爱你的权利

如果你还有一些困惑
请贴着我的心倾听
听我说着爱你
yes i do
i love you

it's a classic..and i only recently got reminded of how beautiful the song is. how the melody goes, what the words really meant. haha.

ive began to appreciate a lot of things in my life and i have also learnt how to weigh the decisions, admittedly some opportunity costs for others may be higher, i still tend to follow my heart and go with the decision i think it's the best for me.

gah. all my entries are so fluffy nowadays. and my pimples are all sprouting out. "ahH!! bimbo!"

oh well.. xiao huang cheng. juniors, gah stop asking me to speak for u....have to rack my brains for ur good qualities etc...sigh. i must...translate into chinese. haha.

not talking sense.

well....people have dumb moments.

and im not saying that im having one now.

love

2007-03-30T23:49:00.000+08:00

sigh. it's always those japanese movies that get me thinking about this concept of love. the movie i just watched was sweet, not that touching as be with you which i loved a lot. tada, kimi wo aishiteru is perhaps a more mild, a more first love kind of thing. and that's why perhaps they always say first love is one where ull never ever forget. the first time u hold hands, the first time u experience a dozen of different splendid emotions, the times when u know that someone wil lalways be there.

funny how the movie started off with a person dan lian and then two people lian ai. technically they didnt started as a couple at all but that does mean they didnt love. so what if they didnt come together, they only remained as "friends" throughout the period they were together, but you could just sense their love for each other. care concern for the other party. that's what love is supposed to be. i think so.

indulgence. thinking too much about this love will be bad either but from the movie, they seem to be enjoying it. the times they spend as a couple without anyone there to interfere to see...their heavenly forest. gah. maybe the scenery did help in their relationship. and new york was damn pretty when he went there. it does help that the male lead and the female lead look so good together and separately.

what u experience and love will never be taken away unless you take it away yourself, i guess. loving. what is love? different people will understand it differently. for me, i...

yeah.

why bother telling out when im supposed to know already and show it in my own unique way. how we judge and accpet and cherish differently.

sigh. im so inspired to take loads of photos right now but i guess certain memories can never be forgotten.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

she was always lying to me. and she continued to lie to me because she wanted to be alive in my heart forever. she didnt need to lie as she was always there.

when you were kissing me, did you feel any feelings of love....?

i did. and i thought the world had only you and nothing else.

it's a bittersweet story but i guess makoto as much as he tries, will always love shizuru even though she's...

im a fool.

world of our own

2007-03-30T21:50:00.000+08:00

disclaimer: it will waste ur time. incessant whining.

im watching a show that i have always wanted to watch since last year, "tada, kimi wo aishiteru." supposedly meaning, right now, im loving you.

ouch. what is going to be a less bimbotic entry is going to be ruined. ah. the wound on my back still hurts. i checked it out. it really looks like someone caned me at the back. and it runs along my backbone. >.< gah. the skin... sigh. someone should just look out for me 24/7 since im such a kultz. i want my fairy godmother now! haha.

okay. enough of whining. and on to my show. i have not even reached half of the show and i got disturbed by joanne. but it's okay. i can pause the show. the part when i watched is till is the girl getting angry with the guy for bringing another girl to their place where it supposedly belonged to the two of them. just the two of them.

i guess that what happens why different people view their own little space differently. some share this joy of theirs while others keep it secret, taking their own sweet pleasure from it. but ultimately, everyone still keeps it private. the stuff that happens between two among themselves. because, it's for the two of them or even between friends. certain stuff must be kept among themselves. the circle of trust or this bond.

some things can only be kept among certain people. how.

sigh. the pain in my back is distracting me from what i want to type. seriously. should apply some cream on it or something. why am i so....clumsy? gah.

and just for the fun of it.

cant think of a clever way to put it. forget it. pretend i never said it.

ultimate crapping entry. right now.

i just want to finish my movie. it's a beautiful love story. will blog after i finish watching it. maybe ill think better.

Lala~

2007-03-29T21:30:00.000+08:00

totally sappy post.

i guess.

in life.

u wont get what you always want.

even if u dont, cherish what u get.

am i maturing?

or just growing older?

more tired?

or just seeing too much innocence in this world for these few days

mind yourself

2007-03-29T20:50:00.000+08:00

what do you think about urself?

the best or the worst in u.

i can name my bad points offhand just like that easily. or else, someitmes, i can be really ego and name all the supposedly good stuff i think that i am. then people would just go, "Bu yao lian".

Bu yao lian, hao ma? wo bu zhi dao.

how will i be portrayed to people i know? this girl who has totally no image cos she's damn chor lor. shooting her mouth off, sitting in such an unladylike position, very slack and all. see, all the bad points without even thinking.

but oh well. i cant go on life forever thinking im this girl.

at least people love me.

my dad despite me not doing my work and he have to act like this ghost to haunt me off the com.

my ma despite me not really helping with the housework, always telling her last minute about me not coming home for dinner.

my brother despite me forgetting everything about my sec3 maths and literally shouting and sort of laughing at him when he doesnt know how to do.

my aunt despite me always sleeping on her bed and keeping her awake with my awful alarm clock system since i can sleep through my alarms and she cant.

the angels despite me sometimes pang sehing them, being a nuisance of myself like the stupid duck thing today and i still love you guys!

the rest of the gang like minghao, zhengjie just for being there to keep company and all even if im like super tired and dead that all u can is to cheer me up. 7 hand poker! haha.

to my darling rv friends, jiemin, nat, seewah etc, just for being there to hear me talk about my problems esp during a particular period of time and u guys came to support me even though u dont really like chinese drama and all. love and miss you guys.

huangcheng ppl, actually like basically all huangcheng ppl, xinyu, yunsong, isaac, qiuju, vincent, sylvia etc for being part of my life and just....enjoying the process.

to him. he's having a super inflated ego right now. but at least that makes him confident and that all it matters isnt it? being happy. =)

running makes one high.

smiles

2007-03-26T22:54:00.000+08:00

green. red. christmas colours.

did the season of love and celebration came earlier?

haha. the elves must be working extremely hard right now!! to get out more toys, more ice cream to benefit the little girls and boys out there.

poor elves. they must be tired out. well, stay strong, dont die. duh. elves are magical, they wont die of sth like exhaustion..

nevertheless, appreciate and cherish.

thighs

2007-03-25T22:27:00.000+08:00

gah. feeling fat. wait. make them fat. gah.

i so want to ermx...jump down the building or sth...right now.

gah.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....

fat thighs..

flab

fat

definitely not fab.

can i just jump down and die?

suqping, please, you can do the honours...

gah.

=(

one fine day

2007-03-24T12:56:00.000+08:00

often, i look around and it amazes me to find that i have nothing to do. nothing fulfilling to do. we're living in this beautiful place called the earth and we're like supposedly the only living beings in the universe. so why are we not doing something?

lagging around. it's an art. the art of lagging around. do u seriously think people can use up their time if they do not lag around? or perhaps it's like a disease. every single person wants to lag around. lag around is good. why not? u recharge.

but. are u sure u're recharging or u're just tiring urself out even more?

i believe it's the latter. it's always the latter. yet somehow the enjoyment that comes out from just random chatting on the net seems to outweigh the tiredness i felt later. actually i did regret one such incident when i chatted till 1 plus? for the next few days, i had a major exam. i didnt have enough time to study. then i stop. when did i turn into a mugger? i care for my studies. everyone does. but somehow, worrying about ur studying time just doesnt seem right. and there's a contradiction. if u dont have studying time, what about ur studies? heck.

life's more important than studies? yes, u're a student, u should care about ur full time job scope, studying. but seriously we're the only living planet, who cares???!!!!

yar right. if only everyone thinks that way, the world would be a much happier place. *sighs.

actually the world is a happier place for me le. im feeling a lot of joy right now. lala~~~

friends, family, him.

im missing all my cute little rv friends and my darling huangcheng people, fellow yellow citizens! wait. (and my angel too! good luck in ns...) cute little, i sound like a paedophile! acutally, maybe i am. i tend to look out for adorable little boys! ah. if only i was a more responsible 17 year old, ill steal them and adopt them. haha. as if. dreams and fantasy are fun in that way...

sigh. this entry is beginning to sound bimbotic already. it is bimbotic anyway. cant type anything serious if i dont think about anything serious.

but why should i think anyway?

the happiness should be continued. afterall, im smiling. that is all it matters, isnt it?

the feeling of being contented with what u have.

幸福

so heck.

=)

yellow citizen

2007-03-12T20:43:00.000+08:00

写华文对我来说一点也不容易。汉语拼音烂是小学教出来的。
但为何我会喜欢说华语？

黄城夜韵。

结束了。心中有种莫名的伤心感动。一直辛苦，一直劳累，真的结束了吗？我不要。我要每天都看到我可爱的黄城人。一群为了朋友，凭着热诚，而。。。

就在这，好想哭。好想回到过去。希望这一刻会停留，但它不会。时间还是照走。今年黄城夜韵也成了回忆。

黄城。有我的家庭，朋友，让我感到温馨爱心的地方。谁顾虑别人怎么看我们？我们自己怎么看自己就够了。

sigh.

im missing our bump in times. the times that 29 people squeezing into a deluxe room at swissotel. the stench of the shoes. how a certain someone sleeps around. how we crashed and died on the first day of performance. how we continue to push on. how we will miss each other a lot even though we'll see each other in school. how the sound tracks on my com will lose its purpose. how i wont get to see my darling juniors everyday. how i wont get to see my cute little di di acting cute everyday with his white specs. how i wont get to see those actors in bo li xie acting. how i wont go home almost every night together with yunsong. how xinyu remains happy and hyper even though she's tired and stressed. how sylvia can continue on despite the shit she have got. i love u!! how certain people can be so insensitive. how....

who cares that im having break down of language expression?

我好想这一切。我可以从来一次吗？

一次黄城。一世黄城。

lala~~

2007-03-06T21:08:00.000+08:00

sigh. atmosphere is different. i dont know. maybe everyone is feeling the pressure as the date of the bump in draws near. maybe it's the horrible jae results that kicks 7 pointers out of our school.

just maybe.

maybe.

maybe the moon will still be up when the sun rises up tomorrow.

decisions

2007-03-04T20:52:00.000+08:00

i feel sweet today. i like being pampered being loved.

and i like the beach, the wind and the sea.

i like holding hands.

maybe i do like myself.

wait.

i do.

no self doubts allowed.

selfish

2007-03-02T20:59:00.000+08:00

im a selfish person. i tend to care for myself first before sparing a thought for others.

im selfish. i ought to get rid of such a mentality. and i realise. i dont know how to weigh the needs of people. like i said, i only care about myself. when it's time to care for other people, it just always seem too late. so beyond reach. i cant go past this brick wall. and im at a total loss. i then wish i was there. but i cant already. because of that selfish intention that held me back just now.

im selfish. why am i so selfish?

im selfish. is that what makes people so unhappy about?

im selfish. people cant forgive me for that.

im selfish. the things i do people cant forget.

im selfish. have i changed to be even more self centered?

im selfish. that's why i.....

sometimes i wonder why do people even like me...

im selfish. i care only for myself.

can i just go sell fishes? maybe the fishes will like me better...

guess...

2007-02-27T22:29:00.000+08:00

i dont know why im not feeling it.

im not feeling the joys of love, school and friends.

i love them but somehow, as soon as i feel them, it just kind of fades away when im waiting for the bus, waiting for stuff to happen. it's like sort of a fleeting moment and it passes, never staying long..

can i want it to stay longer? can it stay longer?

can i just walk by the sea at night and feel the breeze?

can i just abandon everything and close my eyes?

pitter patter

2007-02-24T23:11:00.001+08:00

rain drops are falling on my head...
sigh. i love the rain. i love the cold. that's why maybe why i like the first play of huangcheng very much. cos in the end, amidst all these waiting in the rain, everyone gets something they were always waiting for.

i cant wait for happiness to find me. can i?

sigh.

somehow, for me blogs are a place where i get to emo. i dont do this kind of thing in real life, so let me have a place to indulge myself. =)

im so relieved actually. gabriel and the other seniors were talking so nice to us. maybe they gave up. the new batch of huangcheng ppl are getting worse and worse each time. oh well. i love the ppl there. they're the nicest bunch of ppl u can find anywhere. im generalising. haha.

i cant think of anything to write. hmmm...

troubles that plagued me has been resolving by themselves. i have yet to seen whether...how it turns out but im hoping everything will stay pleasant and happy and gay. i hate to see unhappiness. no one likes it.

i wish u know, that hwachong can have a day where everyone is dejected and zi bi. that wil lbe damn fun. a day of thinking and thinking and pondering and sort of relaxing. no one thinks about how to deal with people. sometimes, socialising is tiring.

actually, if u r lazy, everything is tiring. even writing a post. like this.

im not making any sense. im not using my brain. so what? at least im not like insulting, pointing fingers and insinuating stuff...pardon the spelling. i hate it when i know the word but i cant spell. >.< anyone willing to take me up for grammer and spelling lessons?

*looks around

pitter patter

2007-02-24T23:11:00.000+08:00

relevations

2007-02-21T15:35:00.000+08:00

sigh.

negative energy here again. =)

it's all my fault i know that. how i have been slack for the chem project. i know that.

how i made someone bushuang with my insensitive comments on my blog. i know that too.

how i always make a nuisance out of myself. i know that three.

how i always get easily pissed off when things dont go my way. when people change...i know that.

i know everything yet somehow, i always not know.

i dont know a single freaking thing. something's changed.

duh.

but couldnt we just get back to normal or did i just lost all the trust?

perhaps.

argh.

the music isnt making me much happier.

lol.

onwards to find music that represents falling in love~

it doesnt help does it?

birds are chirping

2007-02-19T11:10:00.000+08:00

the second day of the chinese new year. im here at my com blogging. actually, it was after reading loads of blogs before i got inspiration to start typing some rubbish thoughts of mine. guys and girls write so differently. girls would often blog about themselves, what they did and what they thought was adorable etc. guys would blog about the mysteries of life. and somehow, i always like reading blogs written by guys. they often seemed so much more profound and learned. i dont know perhaps that's how girls are structured.

even with one small paragraph, the style of writing differs already. even when i blog about how sad i feel etc, i always get the feeling that when a guy blogs about the exact same thing, there is a deeper meaning to it. am i just going nuts?

fine. so let's just go back to normal girl blogging. blogging about thow my life is and whatever. whatever, such a bimbotic word that i take pleasure in saying it for fun.

life is pretty smooth sailing in dealing with people except for certain people. i dont know why i always end up offending people. i hate it when people insist that they're okay when they arent. i now know how hard it is to comfort people. maybe the best way is to leave them alone, cross your fingers and wish that everything will turn out alright? it will be.

talking about the work aspect, i think i totally gave up on it. i mean i still havent worked on my conclusion despite promising it to minghao like ages ago. heck. Cs just told me she's going to his house tmr morning, and me being me, is procrastinating and pushing the deadline even further back. i seriously wonder what am i doing but of course no invisible being answers me. only i can answer myself if only i have the answer. im dying in all my language skills...

forget it. it's a period of celebration so i should celebrate the wonders and good of the world instead of dwelling on dreary stuff like ....rats? be a pig and pig out. yep, that's the way to go!!!

i end up with a happy note. or rather i posted another nonsensical entry. wow. im really amazed at myself.

sigh

2007-02-13T21:52:00.000+08:00

damn. everyone is complaining how emo my blog is. it's emo so what? im currently in a happy state right now. according to joanne this morning, something must have happen cos i keep smiling. then again, today was a horrible day. i forgot my pe shirt which resulted me in running back and forth, added to that no breakfast. i was dying in the mornng. horrible brain draining bio and later chem h3 lectures. i cant believe i seriously just zoned out. nothing could get in, period. i need sleep. i shouldnt be online. i should just polish off my cold dinner but at least im eating home cooked stuff, get into bed and snore. wait, i dont snore! ill have a nice dream or a dreamless sleep. okay. back to food.

falling down

2007-02-01T16:19:00.000+08:00

sigh.
this so isnt what i am supposed to do. im in lep room. im supposed to be doing my reaction kinetics tutorial or even vectors tutorial because friday is a tutorial day. then somehow, the com beckons me. i look and i got attracted. so here i am, blogging.
i dont know what's wrong with me recently. i seriously dont know. physically tired? i dont know. i need to get high! i need something that can continue sustaining me through all the way till march. i dontk now. ive been playing lame games, listening to endless soundtracks one after another to search for stuff i need.
黄城，让你的梦想起飞。
is it me? or is everything affecting me a lot. i dont want to care any longer. somehow, i think im kinda like a robot nowadays. i chat because i am supposed to. i crap because that's what people think i will do. i pout cos...there's nothing for me to smile at.
to think there was once upon a time when i couldnt smile when im playing the staring game. truth to be told, i still cant play that game. i smile too easily. yes, the smile. i can smile when someone tells me to. but when can i really smile at something, someone that cheers me up? i dont know. im supposed to be happy. happy doing what i love. happy with those nice people that are yellow citizens. lol.
im just laughing at all the lame jokes that my juniors make, the fun and stupidity of our batch people. and im doing things. no worries. it is at this kind of moment where there's nothing to do. im supposed to stare at some lecture notes. i start getting mellow. what am i really doing? havent i been asking myself over and over again?
why cant i be really high, happy right now? im reliant on people, im not going to deny it. my happiness sort of hinges on how humans react in a certain way. yet when im in this kind of mood, there's nothing i can do except wait.
wait....shouldnt i be proactive and do some worthy stuff? worthy stuff? what? nothing.

it's all me right. so dreary. so pessimistic. so unlike wen en. so unlike the fun loving cheerful me.

where has she gone to? has wen en been locked out at the gate of fun by uncle chong? or is it just that the tired demon is holding on to my leg, refusing to let go. no matter how much i struggle and want out. im sick and tired. just let me fall sick. have fun. whatever..i seriously so want to watch a movie. lose myself in it. then rejoin back this body of mine and look on.

look on. the days ahead. more fun, more joy, more tiredness. i think 我们黄城人都是一群疯子。

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~
*shouting out at someone

i feel okay. i am. i do. stop being crazy in the head, emoing or whatever.

tutorial. remember the more important stuff waiting for u. what crap.

love,
grumpy_

*im not supposed to be grumpy. im supposed to be smiling. cos my smile is nice...why doesnt people compliment me and make my day?!!!???!!!!! sigh. at least................hmmm must be the music im listening to, making me sad or all....chocs. ice cream. that's the key.

im a schizo.

wont crying be fun?

tears dont like me. im unfriendly.

gah. this is getting so incoherent but it's fun to type out stupid entries that no one understands.

really?

life

2007-01-29T20:39:00.000+08:00

hmmm.....someone told me that my blog has nothing to read and i felt sad. but then again...who will want to read a blog? a blog is mainly about understanding what the writer thinks or decides. how the writer comprehend some stuff etc. looking at the language i am writing right now, i think mr wong (gp tutor) would like go like "breakdown of the english language". gah.. first time getting 18/50 for compre. that's not the point is it?

i read this article yesterday in the new paper. yes, i only read entertainment stuff. i only remembered sumiko tan's article about finally joining into the technology era but some female's column in the new paper set me thinking. she was wondering how come she doesnt go like "omg. im like 35 with kids. it was like just yesterday that i was still in college etc."

why didnt she feel that way, she pondered. then she said it was because there are still stuff that currently still makes her feel...alive. her kids, her friends, her family and her job? what makes me tick now? listing out a couple of reasons, maybe it will inspire me to do something...fruitful?

let's start with bimbotic reasons for the fun of it:
1) ....any bimbo stuff?? ermx....for the cute guys that still remain on the face of earth?

okay. proper reasons...think wen en, think!

1) my interest, doing drama work (despite me complaining, i actually like it a lot)
2) the bunch of guys in 06s77 that never fail to crack me up with jokes although i cant stand them sometimes
3) smses that keep me entertained through my ultimate stoning periods
4) knowing that my darling group of rv friends will be there for me if i need them
5) my family even though sometimes i feel they are overly concerned with me coming home late
6) my collection of toy lambs in my bed...they are just so soft and cuddly

this is getting so emo...argh...

life. what is life?

alive.. what does it means by alive? im still finding out. rest assure, until i finally relent or get an answer, i'll still be here to HAUNT people. =)

pondering

2007-01-22T22:06:00.000+08:00

i think i have lost my touch for writing. i no longer can just go on and on about stuff..about life... maybe it's cos im normally tired like everyday. even if it's holidays, somehow i can manage to tire myself out. i dont know how to take care of myself. that's a fact, so what?
i do enjoy tiring myself out in doing stuff other than homework etc. it makes life so much interesting. what is life without fun? what is life without passion? do you live ur life now just solely for the future ahead?
what if u reach that future and u realise u have no aim in life. u reached that point, what u wanted to do have been achieved. but i think it's a miracle itself to know what u want to do in life. i dont. i admit it as much.
what do i want to go? what do i live for?
more questions just stare back.
will i ever get an answer?

god knows.

2007-01-18T21:17:00.000+08:00

im feeling really insecure and restless...i need to direct my energy somewhere.

not mugging please.

sigh.

mood swings

2007-01-09T21:28:00.000+08:00

who said it was easy being a girl....

the mood swings.

are

horrible.

hate

2007-01-08T22:11:00.000+08:00

i hate hwa chong teachers.
i hate hwa chong adminstration.
i hate hwa chong lessons.
i hate hwa chong food.

i love huang cheng.
i love my class.
i love my rvhs friends.

most importantly,
i still hate hwa chong.

death note

2007-01-01T23:15:00.000+08:00

since i first read death note, i supported raito yagami like forever...i always like those cool evil smart types so it was no surprise that i like raito. i remembered my excitement and relief when raito actually manage to kill off naomi misora...and how i love the part where raito outsmarted L. sheer genius to me...

imagine how i was so disappointed after watching the movie. admittedly, tatsuya fujiwara may not be the perfect raito to me......how can they make him die in such a lame way??? how can L actually outsmart raito. i should have walked out when L "died". then perhaps my image of raito will still be preserved....argh.

i dont even know why im pissed at this movie. *bish.....i think....

sigh...

i still like raito.

raito yagami. =)

musings

2006-12-30T21:53:00.000+08:00

sigh.

i so love sighing although someone keeps asking me why i sigh. well, sighing can be a sign of contentment...laziness...hopelessness...why do i keep rattling off to the bad side? it's going to be the new year...on to positive side. optimistic but with my insane schedule for next year...how exactly to have a tech run so early????? what can the actors act?

i think most people would stunned at there. after all, there are very little people dabbling in theatre nowadays. i doubt i would even go to theatre full time although i love to do it and i adore complaining about it. but jubilee hall was a period full of bitchiness crapiness singing laughter....snickering. yeah. and i had my eyecandy, deming to look at...i dont think people would think he's cute since only like two people- me and peishan thinks he's cute.

deming and me

his brother, dicong.

jeff. i know no one really cares about him. oops.

my hair looks horrible. gah. i hate my hair i wonder why on earth people like it but i shouldnt complain too much...it gets frightening alarming on people's nerves.

well, ytd was 4f bbq. it got kind of nostagic for me...i dont know. it just feels there is this sense of maturity i guess. one year has passed i cant expect people to remain childish although i would like it too. at least certain people still retain that sense of stupidity they always had in them. some change to become too thin, too mature...i think everyone lost a bit of their sec4 life when we went to jc/poly.

i miss those times. when we were in rv. when we were untainted by the "niceness" of chinese high boys. i do not certainly mean that they are bad but somehow, rv boys are still nicest. i may be biased. so what? even the teachers are nicer. i swear. although i still think mr teo will win mr chow anyday. mr teo is nicer. i didnt even take a pic with him. gah. unbelievable. i know it's not like we wont see him but still...hmmmm

sigh. i sort of digress again didnt i?

i think i grew up a little too. note the a little. i dont type as much crap as i normally do into this blog. i type what i think. ok. that's new. that was dumb.

i know people like to grow older like everyone wants to be 18 just to buy alcohol.

but for me.

somehow.

i want

this jc times

to last longer.

i still want theatre.

i still want the feeling of a class.

i still want the feeling of being a student.

being young.

i know there's stuff called young at heart.

but.

darn cute

2006-12-01T09:43:00.000+08:00

oh my god...i think i finally want pets...i get the dibs on the first baby from the right. =)

busy

2006-11-23T23:01:00.000+08:00

haha. this is the first time my tag actually got flooded. so cute...sigh..been really busy lately with the chem project. i mean out of a week, i have to go back three days to do this sci proj. and admittedly, u learn stuff but my interest.....sigh...well, i guess i am so not cut out to be a researcher. im sorry. i want to do more fun stuff..

but seriously are there any fun jobs around? can i draw like for pictionary as my job? or read entertainment news but not writing them. is slacking counted for as a paid job? i really wished it to be.

currently...hmm..i just went nus sci lib. well, minghao's direction sense isnt as bad as i thought it will be. that is so much of a relief i didnt spend my time wondering around the campus of nus instead i was in their sci lib. argh. the stifling atmosphere, reading stuff that appeared so foreign to me that i cant believe i was reading it and photocopying it and just touching it. whoever reads like polymer chemistry in their free time? evidently no one i think except for those creepy researchers...i guess ill have a more fun day tmr..

im actually abandoning my chem proj for the day!!! and going out. for semi class or oh well...ermx....wilson, zhengjie, minghao, joanne, suqping and me outing cos the rest is just MIA. sigh...i guess ill force them to take pics.

then it's cute little carmen's celebration for her birthday at IMM..i thought they would go town but evidently im wrong. but i guess it'll be fun. =) and there will be pics...haha

darlings

2006-11-17T13:07:00.000+08:00

heys. people, im back. using the ntu labs of all labs and coms. but it's pretty cold in here. im wearin jeans and a jacket and im still freezing. gah. must be sth to do with the flu i have. im bored. i realise my blog has been stagnant for like ages. and now im like typing another nonsensical entry because i have no desire to write about my days and such. these kind of memory recording...i just do not have any passion for it. what happpen to the days when i loved to write? have i lost my writing bug? gah. i feel sad all of a sudden.

well...then i guess ill just write some stuff about wed? it has been ultra long since i ever had such a crazy time....laughing...photo craze...sigh. i love this kind of crazy times. makes me really think about how i am really enjoying my youth. or else if im just so hooked up with cca & sch and i dont do something radical....i will wonder where my youth went? and sigh. it was pure fun....although i look really messy. >.< not that i never was... sigh. when was the last time swatsd went crazy together? hmm....i cant remember at all. gah. last year? sec4 year? i guess....huang cheng...hmmm....the night biking?

i feel im really random that most people cannot make sense of what i am talking about right now i guess. im just typing any thoughts that just come to my head. if u really can catch any wind of what this post is about...i applaud u.

so i guess ill just leave u with this group pic. some crazy guys below. the fun we have. see this is what u miss out if u just pon our dinner meetings!! esp if i bring a camera...=) not like im posting the other crazy pics...gah...i really lost track of what i am trying to say. i guess it's how yes93.3 fm affects ur thinking and typing skills when u try to bring a message across. and turns out i confuse people more. but im innocent. im really blur. im not talking sense. thank you for wasting ur time reading this horrid entry. i want to delete it but i guess ill just leave it u know, irritate people who have too little time on hand.

*smiles sweetly.

CHOMP CHOMP

heys

2006-11-17T10:24:00.000+08:00

haha. it has been ages since my blog has been updated.which is one main reason why my blog still doesnt have a tagboard...*smiles.. im in ntu one of the labs typing this. cos we just finish your newspaper report. haha. next time if i enroll into journalism, make sure u frame up every single report i post. haha. like anyone will ever do that...

i ought to go soon cos there's some zaobao reporter, wu qing kang, waiting for us to deliver another speech to psycho us into enrolling into journalism...oh well...next time.

useless

2006-10-16T21:27:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wonder about why i even bother studying so much. maths, bio, chem= dead. sometimes i regret whether should i have chosen the science stream? cos i am dying in it. crap. when i say dead= real dead. wah. feel like dying. =( *hangs myself.

lalalalalalalalalalalalalalala``````````````````

2006-10-05T19:13:00.000+08:00

maybe promos isnt much of a bad thing. after promos, i have so many things to do to hand in. bleh. cant stand it. by at least posting this one measly entry, does it count saving the rotting blog? although i seriously cant spot any mould on my blog skin... hmmm...i wonder.

maths

2006-07-07T22:38:00.001+08:00

mathematics. h2.

maybe i should have just taken it as a bloogy h1. and it's not like i didn't work for the grade lar. i did although there was some gossiping in the middle of practise but still. i can believe carelessness, incompetence and forgetfulness got the better of me and i hate it.

i cant believe i failed it. i flunk it. maths. maths. when my form teacher is a maths teacher. wait make it ct. yar, u get the general idea. sometimes i want to kill myself..

well, wait till the french world cup 2006 will come true. then i will work like hell. alternatively, germany just emerge as 3rd. i will love u guys all the same.

two side

2006-06-07T01:05:00.000+08:00

well this is really really weird. i was teasing see wah so happily then i jumped over to nicol's blog and saw something that somehow sucked all the happiness away.

i guess it's normal. like the xiao pin i have been doing for the past three months, humans have more sad moments than happy moments. isn't it true? how many times have i broke down or on the verge of breaking down? or just plain venting my anger? maybe i dont show this in private? do i? *squints in thought

i dont know. this entry is supposed to be happy. it is supposed to be about a shy gentlemanly guy liking a fantastic girl and what happened on their first date. somehow i dont feel like writing anymore after seeing u know....

so anyway. the thing is

first love still makes me SMILE. i know his entry did. cos it was bloody obvious he likes her. haha. i really wish to know more on what's happening. but i guess some details would be sufficient. haha. i ought not to be so evil anymore right? but it is really so damn freaking cute. oh well. maybe i wont like it if it happens to me.

if only it happen to me...haha...im being insane and out of my mind again.

well. the main point is...SMILE?

of course a sure fire way to SMILE...watch poc: dead man's chest. with orlando bloom and johnny depp, what's no reason to smile?

results

2006-05-18T20:17:00.000+08:00

i havent been doing well for my results slate lately. after dear seewah who got an unpleasant grade for her chem test told me that she couldn't believe she did so badly, it got me wondering. have i been going way too easy on myself lately?

bio. i have failed and failed. u grade after u grade. maybe it's because it didnt study hard. scrape the maybe i didnt. period. ditto with this chem test. i didnt either. i studied like max 2 hrs the night before. maybe i shouldnt have high expectations of myself if i didnt try hard.

wait. i should try hard or work hard to win everyone and rule the world! haha. i dont know. i should have work hard. somehow, i am not. and im flunking everything. perhaps it is due to my class. they dont work hard either.

suqping, the mugger. maybe i should be like her then i will do well for all my bloody tests and exams. end of year. nice results slip, pulled up by my second half of the year. yep. that's the goal im working towards.

but something stops me.

"GOAL!"

"ENGLAND!"

"PORTUGAL!"

the bloody world cup. i sense it coming. the force flows through me. i want to resist the urge. but i can't. save me. the force cannot be with me........

lala~

2006-05-16T19:13:00.000+08:00

i want this to be a happy entry. as long as u want something badly, you should get it right? so i want this entry to be happy. how to make one happy, u ask? for me. CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM rather rum and raisin ice cream is so heavenly. dont know why but suddenly ice cream has become my weak spot. i would kill for ice cream. seriously. next time when im desperate, flaunt an ice cream cone in front of me. then before u know it, a startling pain would have been over ur wrist. pop. blood pours out before long, u will be dead and i will walk off with my ice cream. lala~ isnt it such a delightful sight?

haha. is this still a happy entry? yes it is! i failed my bio test once again. nv seem to be able to pass it. but im sure when the time comes for the very first time, i pass my bio.i think i will be esatic...im horrid at spelling. but u get the idea, i will jump for joy. isnt that so looking forward to?

what else..what else...hmmm how about the recent slate of movies. da vinci code. i know how controverial the movie is and the rating and all that...im looking forward to it. it will be thrilling i hope. i seriously hope it doesnt disappoint me. ditto for xmen. but there's one movie..that is always at the back of my mind....

tada~

POC: Dead man's chest.

it is so gonna be cool with johnny depp and orlando bloom..

i almost forgot...WORLD CUP 2006! sad thing is it clashes with blocks. but im not scaring i will try to wake up nevertheless..

CHeer for ENGLAND and PORTUGAL, will ya?

and my aunt gave me this shirt bought back from germany. i have an official world cup apparel, how cool is that?

*grins..bad thing though, it's for germany. oh well. germany rules. afterall it did have a leader with a cute moustache...

lol. lalala~~

times

2006-05-14T18:52:00.000+08:00

it's one of those times again. when u feel that u r very useless. every single freaking thing seems to be going wrong for u. u dont feel like changing anything. cos u tried hard once, and it didnt succeed. life is so damn unfair.

why am i like so useless? gawd...at this rate, whatever i wanted to set out to achieve at the end of the year. i wont get do it. i wont if i dont work hard now. but seriously, how can one ever work hard? argh. i hate myself. i hate myself.

this reminds me of elmo. just do it. nike. maybe i will. but just now in the same way elmo does his.

losing

2006-05-13T22:05:00.001+08:00

we lost. simple as that. and i hate it. and i detest it. and i hate it when i lose to those unworthy people. those sore losers. lousy judges. we did well enough to get into the top three...just because of pure linguistic stuff, u fault us and let us...argh. i hate it. i hate life. i hate competition. i hate the judges. i hate those selfish idiotic stealing acjc students.

dead.

2006-04-17T21:47:00.000+08:00

hi zixian!! nice seeing u on my blog. maybe it's just me. i suddenly feel so lost in this world yet again. nothing new here. maybe it's just my mood fluctuation. im gonna be ok. isnt that what everyone always say? i ought to stop being pessimistic. i should be optimistic. everyone who knows me know i am optimistic. bring fun, laughter, peace and joy. but somehow when other people stop caring, i stop caring too.

deliberately being vague. silly old me. im not making sense am i? i think so. nothing make sense in this world anyway that's why i am headed to taking philosophy in uni.

sat

2006-04-08T10:28:00.000+08:00

yay! today will be a fun day. i woke up late today for my rehearsal. i woke up early to go to the rehearsal. im stoning at the rehearsal. afterwards, no one will come to the xiao huang cheng rehearsal. cos no one cares...isn't it just all so wonderful? all so wondeful? isnt the world all that wonderful? and happy? and gay? and im turning insane. it's pmsing. i think. i believe. it's pms.

me

2006-03-29T21:48:00.000+08:00

how do u kill a splitting headache.

one. u sleep.
two. u take a pen knife, cut urself. u will die of bleeding sooner than u die of the headache.
three. do maths. make urself go crazy.
four. go in ur room, set the air-con to 16 degrees celcius. u will freeze to death first.
five. dig out ur brain, air it for a while. so ppl can comment that u r a bimbo.
six. dont care about any single freaking thing, particularly maths tutorial.

i want ice cream. feed me.

conflicts

2006-03-28T19:13:00.000+08:00

is it when good friends spend too much time together, spend too less time together when conflicts arises. or is it when good friends make new friends introduce to them to their old friends, and the new friends prefer their old friends instead of them, will conflict then arise?

are we really all growing up? or r we getting more and more self absorbed in our own world then sometimes, we care way too much about ourselves. and none almost none for others? im not saying anything but somehow...i dont want any of us to quarrel. ok? promise me, every single one of u in swatsd. dont u ever walk out on any of us. i am trying to maintain this certain kind of calmness among each of u. come talk to me. i am a professional crapper. i dish out advice like u know....how often i eat mac. and note, it's good advice. so come and ask me questions if u really want. i do help. i will help if u want me to. if u heed my advice that's it.

i am feeling damn stressed myself. but cs commented that i worry way too much for my own good. so i dont. i help other people destress. it's sort of like living in someone else's shoes. i learnt that word in gp but i just cant pinpoint it. yeah. u get it. so....i hope my life turns out fine. i quit thinking cos sometimes, thinking just makes u feel worse. make u cry. make u bawl, effectively uglifying u. so dont think about unhappy things can?

and i think i gave up on tag. people still comment. and i like comment. more sense of mysetry..god i cant spell that word. im so bad at spelling. well, comment instead of tag. heck the tag. heck the tag. =)

relevations

2006-03-24T20:10:00.000+08:00

the thing about friend's friend. well, i have a friend who has a friend who likes some guy.this girl, let me see, i'll named her i. her good friend will be named p. anyway girls ip were good friends. then girl p liked guy o. being good friends, girl p told girl i. however, unknowingly, girl i also liked guy o. so what should girl i do?

hmm...complicated huh? anyway, im so psyched for the hongkong trip. despite it being rushed, expensive and short. im sure it will be fun. afterall, it's hongkong right? the place where we mai dong xi, chi dong xi, mai dong xi, chi dong xi. pardon me if the han yu pin yin is screwed, i nv ever could get my han yu pin yin correct. serious. i always look at others for the correct yin and all those kind. so my pronounciation has never been my strongest thing. come to say of it, neither has spelling...

im slacking now when i should be studying chem. thinking of that, i cant believe i FAILED chem. i bloody hell FAILED chem when certain people PASSED chem. cant believe it. *chants * ok. it's working. i dont recall having a chem test at all. hah! i nv had a chem test, so how can i even fail it?

well, someone told me he was playing pool then it suddenly rekindle my feelings for the great sport called pool. as in pool. the one with the triangle thing. the table. the poles. it sounds weird describing it. i sound like describing pole dancing? except i didnt say people dance...ok. anyone wants a game of pool before i go to hongkong. i think i shd be free. i think i shd have some money for pool. i dont think it will be that expensive. haiz. everything is thought up by me. i have no concrete facts. i am not suitable to be a historian.

im getting more and more random by the minute. sounds like my early entries. hehe. which reminds me of something. shouhao, im replying ur tag here. im glad u supported the movement. =)

so i guess that will be all. chem awaits me. does it? it does. i still have this idiotic tutorial lying in my pink bag, beckoning me.

"take me out and do me, darling...."

gawd. i sound disgusting and vile again. i did not mean it. just think it the clean way. =)

normal

2006-03-20T22:29:00.001+08:00

i think im not getting any normal. from what i used to be. im getting weirder. and im getting happier. go figure.

bleh

2006-03-18T22:56:00.000+08:00

guess what? i dont care anymore. continue lying to me would u? i'll see how much more i can handle before i get back to you. i wont be upset. im still in a high mood but let's see how long it can last before the truth hits me. im blabbering. so dont care, will ya?

happy

2006-03-13T19:16:00.000+08:00

i am bubbling up with happiness now. after effects of huang cheng. aww...i feel so happy and high although i have a bio test tmr. go figure. i feel like jumping up in the air, sing a song and cheer cheers. >.< ok. i think im really proud of myself. i am the only ju which didnt screw up any of the sound cues. my ju also didnt screw up the light cues. ditto the followspot cues which in fact was done brilliantly. however, my ju was also the one that almost everyone could not understand. -_-'''. remember to go watch next year hor. i promise that next year, all the jus will be understandable.

was ultra fun with the lights and sounds people. the sound people created a bridge club. the lights were just running around to mac, buying stuff. well, the lights always had a lot of goodies and they all say i kope from them. >.< and the thing is i kope and pass it around my sound mates and i kenna blame instead. i will you guys. u have been great companions...awww....

and who will forget the scandal created at the sceond day where they really showed off their chemistry. =) da teng xiao jie. lols.

zong you yi tian deng dao ni (yin xiang yu deng guang zu) (alphabetical order)

Eugene Chong Jia Jun
Lee Wen En
Lim Suq Ping
Lin Dao Teng
Ng Qiu Ju
Seow Zi Xian
Wong Wei Hong

yin xiang zu

jamie
ying jie
wen en
zi xian
dao teng
mei hui
wei quian
ai zhen
heng jie
sylvia

YIN XIANG ROCKS. u heard that? in fact.

HUANG CHENG ROCKS.

god bless

2006-03-07T21:54:00.003+08:00

i never ever imagine how someone's decision can affect another person so deeply. i went to it. the atmosphere was awkward. i have not seen her or even talk to her for 4 years counting. the last i ever mention her was when guna said she looked chio. now, she is just standing in front of me. eyes were too red to wear contacts. tears were spilling out of her eyes. the rest started crying too. except me. i didnt know what to do but somehow, no tears wanted to come out. i have not cried since this year. but i feel so sad. then sp's mother came. she was already tearing. she let us through the simple procedure of respecting the dead. i saw her. the cold her. and i was struck by how kind she looked. and what she did.

i just cant believe she would ever do that. i heard sp's mother said about how they were going out for lunch and something like that. i suddenly realise how vulnerable life was. last decemeber. now. i really wish that everyone would stay happy and safe. even if u r feeling down, dont ever do things that will hurt urself. and hurt others even more. she was like a broken shell. anything could affect her and she would just break out in tears. every single thing. perhaps i was not that close to her, that's why i could not cry. but the severity and the grief hit me hard in the face. the worst thing was her brother acted as if nothing happened. he was still leisurely popping gummies bought from mini toons into his mouth while his sister sat there sobbing. i guess i cant comfort people very well. i have no idea what to tell her. i havent talk to her since p6. and she is crying.

i just feel bloody useless. just like last dec. everything is going so so wrong. this. huang cheng. my studies. every single freaking thing.

and to my friends out there, i wont leave you. so dont u all dare to ever leave me.

may the lord god bless her. wash away her sins and let her up to heaven. may you rest in peace.

R.I.P
7th march 2006

screwed

2006-03-06T21:26:00.000+08:00

guess what? today absolutely totally sucked at the end of the day. nothing freakingly went well for me. everything was so screwed. let me repeat, everything was so screwed.

why let me be worse off than i bloody am right now? it is just great, isnt it? just bloody hell great.

times like this

2006-03-05T18:11:00.000+08:00

it's really times like this that make me really think. jae. the ultra screwed jae. my class was this ultimate happy family during jae. and it's so argh. i was feeling sad for some people. i just didnt have this oh i am so delighted mood. i understand that our class people are all staying. everyone in our class should be happy but somehow, that is all so wrong. some of us are leaving. from a variety of schools, they came and are going to leave. perhaps it is cos in my class, no one has any other friends leaving but i do. when i talk to these friends, i ache. for them. cos i know they are feeling so horrible, they are trying not to cry and they r just trying to convince themselves appeals work. everything will turn out fine.

that's what they always say, dont they. everything will turn out fine. but they will not. or else why are there sucicidal cases? i know nj is in worse shape than hci in terms of turnover rate. nevertheless, jae is still so screwed. first three months is fun. i admit as much. but they should just stopped at entering a college once and not make us suffer through meeting and seperation again.

i missed rv. both school compounds. how 2i always sat on the benches on the fourth floor overlooking the reservoir. how old our commonwealth compound was. the cow shed, mr desmond lim. my good friends. how long have we not talk to each other and go out happy.

and... somehow, rv seems to be warmer than hci. maybe it's just to do with the infrastructure. we had all the old school compounds. the nice teachers. while in hci, somehow, nothing seems as familar and as close to my heart as rv did. we r all ex students of rv. and i ask myself. why was i so eager to wear the hci u. when i miss rv so much.

it's screwed. life's like that and we have to face it.

happy

2006-03-04T00:36:00.000+08:00

the day started off happy with my posting results. dragged down by u know what, cos she cant stay. further dragged down by who is coming. and how someone refuse to turn up on time for huang cheng making me do all the job. how i failed my econs and my chem tests. but all is ok now. cos the day ended off on a right note.

samuel, daoteng, weiquian, meihui, zixian, wanwan, aizhen and of course me, went to chinese high for a tour of all the ghostly places. i requested it. basically samuel was a good story teller. the gym toilet was bloody scary. and yeah. all was well. *grins

wen en_

given up

2006-02-28T23:30:00.000+08:00

i screwed up everything today. chem. econs. gp. and now huangcheng. im so bloody tired. and i didnt get to talk to him today. maybe that's why im so grumpy. i hate it. i think the tiredness is finally getting to me and none of my close friends are going huang cheng. go figure. i think im behaving like a little girl. i should not cos what do my friends say, i look mature! and aww....i love u, jiemin and natania...comforting me..oh and those who smsed me to ask me to cheer up, eugene, suq ping and cheng shan. i do love you guys. yep, i think i should be alive once more when i passed out of this stage. though god knows when. yep. i will RISE AGAIN FROM THE FLAMES OF THE DEATH!

wen en_=P

i think therefore i am

2006-02-27T22:40:00.000+08:00

i think therefore i am.

i think im turning dumb. i think i cant mix well with people anymore. (e.g. just now in nj). i realise i cant talk to ppl anymore. (seewah) i guess i am blushing whenever someone mentions i like someone. which i do but i dont want to. cos it's stupid. cos i know it's fruitless. cos i know i shouldnt like but im still liking anyway. i think im turning tired right now. cos my eyelids are drooping. my bed is beckoning to me. i am not heeding its call. i think i should sleep now. but i dont feel like cos i havent touch my chem and bio tutorial. i think i should heck care those tutorials cos they r unimpt and sleep is the more impt thing right now. i think i should erase whatever thoughts i have in my mind right now, treat myself as a happy little dwarf and just lull myself to sleep. but i cant. cos i know. cos i still think negative thoughts. i still think how stupid i am. and i know.

i know im dumb. just dont mention that. i do have self realisation.

wen en_

im back

2006-02-22T23:16:00.001+08:00

and people. im back. after a not so long period of time, it struck me. i am not getting lazier afterall. i am just getting more and more tired. then i got reminded of the njc's coming late day tmr. HCI, please do something, let us come late too.

huang cheng is like a part of my life right now. i will describe this part of life since no one ever heard of it. have you? basically at around 4pm, i will approach this classroom labelled b103 or b104 or b102. something like tt. i recognise the classroom but not the name. anyway, we will slack in there until the actors actually start acting! then we will have remotely something to do. we will climb this ultra high four storeys of stairs. im not in nj. im not used to stairs. hci is not stairs friendly. we love open ground! anyway, we will reach this storeroom thingy which reminds me of the old cl storeroom. and the big job begins. the opening of the blasted lock. it took me a few days to learn. it's that kind of turning right left right kind of lock. but sometimes when lady luck is not shining upon me, i cant open it either.

anyway. the people i hang out with. mostly it's my yin xiang mates. let me name them just for fun.
WEN EN
ZI XIAN
JAMIE
DAO TENG
YING JIE
MEI HUI
WEI QUAIN
SYLVIA
AI ZHEN
HENG JIE

ok. and other ppl frm other teams that i know.

SUQ PING
QUI JU
EUGENE
SAMUEL
LI LING
SZE HWEE

and some ppl whom i know them. but i know nuts of their name. im slow. i know.

i know you guys r not in a least bit interested but im spamming nonetheless. as u can see. im lazy to reach to my deep trove of treasure of lame pics. i know u guys love them. but im tired. im tired. im tired.

but if anyone wants to ask me out for a movie, im game for it. i want to go to a cinema badly. need some other life other than huang cheng. only applicable for sundays only. lol. maybe i shall be kind. im a nice person after all. and i bet u guys look weird in ur nj uniforms too. so stop telling me i look weird in hci uni.

ok. this is one ultra inane picture. i know u will go like what the hell?

lost.

2006-02-16T21:42:00.000+08:00

somehow, i am not contented anymore. not contented with the lot i have in life. i want more. maybe it's because im growing up. maybe it's the hormones that is playing tricks on me. i need some satisfaction in life. i need to be contented. maybe it's my friends. but whatever, i need to get my gp review done first.

o lvls post

2006-02-10T19:21:00.000+08:00

i am staying. at least i should be. hci has no point in kicking out those with 7 points right? the rest of o lvl students in 06s77 did brillantly. joanne, sze hwee and weng chi scored 6. the rv girls came closely with 7. 4f did pretty well too, least for... congrats to both zhengjie and mingjun!!
for the recording of scores. did it cos nat did it. -_-'''

eng: a2 (mrs tan and mrs look)
hcl: a2
chem:a2 (sorry to mr. chow. i know i flunked that 10 marks qn)
phy:a1 (thanks to mrs lee)
hisT: a1 (MR LIM, i did it. lol)
ssg: a1 (yeah. i did pretty well for humanities. which often brings me back to the subj. why am i taking sci stream?)
maths: a1
amaths: A1 (kudos to mrs choy. i adore her son so much. sherwayn!)

i know i screwed my chem. everyone who knows me knows tt. how can i mistake two bloody curves are beyond me. well. to u know who, im sorry for everything. but life goes on. and appealing does work. it worked for ur senior. it should work for u. somemore recommendation letters are written. everything humanely possible will be done for u. so take care. take easy. and prepare ur appeal. =)

wen en_

p.s thanks u guys for the ultra sweet with a cherry on the top vday presents.

o lvls pre

2006-02-09T21:37:00.000+08:00

i want to stay in hc. i hope people want me to stay in hc. so let me stay in hc. good luck. be confident. i will.

...

2006-02-07T21:56:00.000+08:00

go figure. the first vday present i will recieve this year will be most prob my new phone. second the rose from seewah...anyone out there wants to be my valentine?

but firstly, to celebrate vday. my o lvl results must be pleasant enough. so this is a wish to god out there, please bless me to get the results i wish to attain.

wenen_

forget it

2006-02-04T23:19:00.000+08:00

well. i have calmed down. my parents dont blame me that much. i am as lucky as that.

so contact me in house. yeah. ermx.

for those ignorant. i lost my phone. BLEH. DAMN IT. yeah. sorry for unladylike behaviour. not that i care that much but still..

jah.

wen en_

confused

2006-02-02T22:24:00.000+08:00

now, today was just weirded out. i suddenly came to knowledge of someone with someone, and another someone with someone. u guys should know who you are. well, it's just totally weird for me. maybe it's because it's new to me. i have always been teasing people about rumours that are not true. so it came kinda as a shock. we are all growing up, getting new experiences except for me. like i said, no one in their right state of mind will want me.

so people are feeling stressed over different things, o lvl results (which i believe is every single person out there who took their o lvls), homework (people like me who cant have time to do homework) and even just plain family matters, losing money over mahjong etc. all i want to say is to take it easy, esp the ones who just knew someone.

please update me on these matters that concern u asap. or else i feel that im like so innocent and ignorant on what's happening around me. it just freaks me out cos it just means we are drifting apart and i dont want that. cos remember, friends should last for a lifetime. so inform me about all the scandals around u, yes i heard about the joanne and zhengjie one. it's old. there's new ones surfacing about. feel free to tell me. so i at least im not so u know, like dumb.

another thing i want to add before i go, GO HUANG CHENG. everyone who counts themselves as good people should go. heard me? cos i will be there up there in the control room controlling the sound. keep a lookout for me towards the end. the cute me will appear!!!!

that's all. o level results will be good to us all. the turnover rate will be so low such as 0.00000000001%. everyone will get their ideal results. dont worry...

so stay happy. be happy. lol. =)

wen en_

the weight

2006-02-01T19:38:00.000+08:00

seriously, i dont understand how people can be forced to write blog entries. yet here i am typing this entry beacause of someone's request. well, it chinese new year chu si. i welcome all invites for a mahjong session cos i need to win back money i have lost.

next, this is like the first in i dont know how long that i can go home at an early hour of 4 pm. that's like such a miracle. i dont know if this can stretch till tmr. evidently, i have nothing to say. when i have more energy which technically i should have since i gained weight, i will write more.

next to those people counting, i fell down again today. i must be unbalanced.

the hci thing

2006-01-28T11:33:00.000+08:00

ello people...long time since i updated..actually that is such a relative statement. my friend from hci, sze hwee who never mention anything about me in her blog (sobx) wanted to read my blog. that was when i realise, up to now, i have not talk anything about hci. well, maybe it's partially because that im lazy, like that is a new thing at all.

back to her blog, she blog every single thing about yesterday. let's me think about yesterday. what on earth happen yesterdaY? well, i remember going to school on bus 66, meeting natania. and most vividly, almost falling down when walking down from the bus and distinctly pushing natania on somewhere. it was not my fault. im kinda jinxed.

then i saw guna who thought he was going to be late but not late. then my saviour from ares gave me a yellow shirt as i was from apollo. ares people are so nice, actually, maybe's it's just guna. so we walked, sat down, and had assembly. the band was dressed such like those in england. they looked so absolutely kawaii neh. how do sec sch people still turn up to look so cute!!!

ermx..let's see, then i think we went back to the college to watch some performance which majority of our class skipped cos it was like the most boring cny performance i ever had..what happen to ur sense of fun? i think only the real adults stayed back to watch. maybe it was also due to the fact that they had benches. and poor us, the almost adults, had no benches. yes, that was it. some of the girls change into the chinese high pe tshirts. I WANT A CHINESE HIGH T SHIRT. i never got to wear it, although it didnt look like the most fashionable thing, but those people wearing it look so adorable!!! they all seemed like little sch kids, maybe with some of them a bit too tall, but still!!

we tried to play some cards but a certain someone stole my place at the card table. then councillors chased us to set up our stall. that was when we all realise that everyone around us had already set up their stall. we were kind of lagging behind. maybe not kinda, i mean i swear we were the last ones there. we sold sandwiches, milo dinos. it was really a mess. i think those people who bough things from us, were kenna forced one lor. if i was in the right state of mind, i wont buy anything from our stall. luckily, im always sort of insane. so no matter. lol. we only got a mere profit of 25 dollars. which reminded me of our ultra success with malt candy back in rv. please lor, it paid for most of our chalet sia. that was nice and fun, hci just gave us too little time, 1 hr and too little space. we got two tables back in rv, here, we only have one.

then mass dance!!! mass dance was fun fun fun. i danced with the seniors which means i danced around them. cos they were like the only people i could spot. i had to like DRAG joanne there to the central plaza with me cos she didnt want to dance. zhengjie (06s77 one) was there but alas, a senior danced with him. pretty sad i think. joanne danced with shou hao in the end. i was with the ultra ultra ultimate 'high and enthu' jingkai. despite all his enthusiasm, he wasnt the best dancer out there. i even twirled him once. i mean, i though guys were supposed to do the lead???

then our apollo dance session which i absolutely flunked. luckily by sheer luck, apollo tied with ares. imagine the odds sia. well, all well ends well, APOLLO is still the best fac out there. hah to u ares people.

after that, guna, zhaoxuan, seewah and i shared a cab to jec. then we played stupid mind games. what's with those stupid games to prove how slow i am? it must be a conspiracy. after lunch, i was torn between pool and shopping. seewah and jiemin played the classic game, scissors paper stone and it decided my fate.

i went jp shopping. three of them, meiting, xiuz and jiemin bought a shirt except for me. i bought ear studs. i know like FINALLY. on tues, help me see if it looks cute. i really hope it does.

in the meantime, happy cny. may everyone get their ideal o lvl grades and leave their sec sch with a smile cos of their results. bless me too. lol.

as with my custom, of posting pics, i present to u another inane pic,as a memento of mass dancing. except those in the pic dances better. lol.

=)wen en_

the pain

2006-01-15T12:40:00.000+08:00

hihi...people. i am definitely not a regular updater cos i am just plain lazy.

i am really as of now a two coloured person. anyone who wants to see this rare specimen, please call me...aww....i hate the stupid sun. now i swear to bring sunblock whenever i go out in case i come under the seige of the sun once agaiN!!! i hate the sun...but not my faculty lar, apollo.

Friday was fun too. although we only had a mini group of 8 compared to other groups with a strong 20+. it was not my fault, the hc guys just had to scurry back to their former secondary sch classes. so u think is it my fault??

omg. i am two coloured....anyone knows how to rescue me. and let's talk about njc. the jc where majority of my class went to. and majority of the people i hang out with also goes to njc. and when i see them. and an idiot who loves singing summer night....with actions added in for free. feels so extra sometimes. somemore when the teachers first see you, the first thing they ask u, "what jc u went? njc?" bleh...care for the non-njians. sobx.

i am excluded and two coloured. time for lunch......lunch....lunch......lunch.....lunch.....and one thing, nj's food is so much nicer than hc's. what happen in between???

wenen_

the issue

2005-12-30T19:32:00.000+08:00

this entry is about pretty boys and earrings.

let's start with the earrings because the pretty boys entry needs pictures which i have not posted on the website. ok.

earrings are wonderful creations by man. they beautify a person, uglify(not sure whether it is a word but i bet not) a person or even make a not so cute person who aspires to be cute a little cute. so let's start with my story.

on the 26th dec, i bought two pairs of earrings. let's just labelled it as white and green. and oh yar, happy 23rd birthday to shun on 26th dec. so i wore the white pair of earrings. when i went off on the 27th dec, the white were still thankfully intact. after my shower on the 27th, one of the white dropped out. and i was left without a earring. luckily, i brought the green one along with the given metal stud. so i wore one green and one white. on the 28th, after showering, the green one dropped. and the white one was hurting my earlobes. so i changed back to my original metal ones.

after this boring story, what can you learn? firstly, buy earrings that are kind to a fiddling finger. make sure it does not hurt ur ear when U touch it. secondly, buy sturdy earrings that do not drop out when u shower or when u fiddle with it. or else u will just be wasting ur money. and this little girl is asking those kind ladies and gentlemen out there for company in BUYING the new earrings. i hate earrings. i hate earrings. correction. i hate earrings that cant withstand fiddling.

and to continue my ramblings. it is off to my pretty boys entry. lucky for all of u orlando haters out there, i will be only concentrating on japanese pretty boys. not like any of u will be interested. up to date, i know that

nat- fans over mike he jun xiang
seewah - joe zheng yuan chang
jiemin- still the same old jerry yan
xiuz- should be some korean guy or girl
carmen- must be some western singer, most prob girls..i dont recall any guy singers..o.O
meiting- MAYDAY
shuj- well, we all know. jay or some guy that is reputably older than his age.

and me.....i like jay. but recently after watching countless j dramas. maybe not countless, but i have fallen back into the craze of japanese guys. so i will intro u to some newer japanese idols. not that i dont fancy takuya kimura or takeshi sorimachi.

the first one as all should know.

Oguri Shun

Yamapi

more Yamapi

Kame

akira+shuji

and of course, the ultra cool six division captain, byakuya

and this little weirdo who is definitely not japanese, but i kinda like him. he looks insane.

that's all.

wenen_

addicted.alone.

2005-12-26T01:27:00.000+08:00

hey. long time since i ever wrote anything in my blog...i have been so caught up with things at home. sometimes, being at home with just objects for company is pretty sad. well, at least there's my brother. he, who somehow manage to know all my friends and even add them to his msn. but me, i only know ben and weixiang...and a few faces which i like to tease him about. namely lily. oh well. and my jdoramas which have accompanied me through this long meaningless holiday. i mean it's christmas...wait. it's boxing day. it's 1.30am on 26th dec.. nat's and guna's bday is coming as seen from nat's countdown. but im not there on that day. happy birthday to the late dec babies!

back to my jdoramas which no one will have any interest in except for me. so u can just skip through this entire part and ignore me. the drama that really made me think this hol was NWP. it just really got me thinking about life and friends. they were such good friends, shuji akira and nobuta. and me? they were enjoying their youth, doing things that no one has done before. which brought me thinking. what have i actually achieved as a person? my results? my jc? but somehow i keep feeling that all this will come crashing down once my real results come back. then i wont know what to do. i dont want that to happen. i tried not thinking about it and somehow it's haunting me. then i took a step back to look at other ppl. they have even more troubles than me. u know who u r. and when i say troubles, boys r not included.

i have this person i met on ms. we just did some casual talking. just now i saw that he had this msn space. and i read his various entry. he is in ite. he wants to retake this o lvls for some course in poly. he feels he is a failure and a faggot. then i wonder, am i really that lucky? should i just appreciate life? and the sunday lifestyle also had various stories about people battling cancer. how they r struggling to stay alive. then why dont i try to make something good out of life? somehow, in my sixteen years, i dont feel i have any bloody achievement at all. nothing. im scared of next year. im afraid of the results. im afraid that we may drift apart. im afraid that anyone i love may come to unexpected ends and i dont want that.

so for my christmas wish, although it has already pass.

may the lord bless everyone to live safe, healthy and happy.

and to those who suffered terrible losses and trauma, i hope that you will stand up and live life to the fullest.

gawd.....i feel i am talking ...... never mind. just a random entry.

happy birthday to guna and nat! thanks for the cookies. may the lord god bless you.

wenen

grad nite

2005-11-30T00:15:00.000+08:00

people are writing loads and loads about grad nite. but actually i have only one thing to say...

im tired.

stupidty

2005-11-18T22:48:00.000+08:00

ever heard of sheer stupidity? the fool? baka?

u r looking at one. me. damn myself. damn chemistry.

lime with coke

2005-11-10T17:59:00.000+08:00

people...i feeling way better though my results are still...
anyway just wanted to share this with u guys..
go the link and download.
Coke with Lime
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=2F3J4MZ8
http://s22.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=2RUU1UQFURPI013SS835W5SP2J

two websites. choose one.

eng

2005-11-09T14:29:00.000+08:00

this was my first time crying after an exam. really crying. tears just seemed to be never ending. i washed my face and start typing this entry. tears roll down again and again and again. i know what you people will say, if you fail, i will be like f9. i dont know why i am crying. there is like no reason to. english...i dont even study this subject yet im crying like this poor pitiful girl. i came home, told my bro that i did badly. his only words, "im so disappointed in u." told my dad. his reply:"why all your subjects like that one? told you not to play com so much le." they make it sound like i deliberately flunk all my subjects. yes, i want to fail all my subjects right? i shouldnt have did so well for prelims or else i wont have the pressure of performing up to my prelims. my prelims were a fluke. i couldnt have score so well. im so scared. i cant believe my eng. english...the language subject that i had the most faith in. now im afraid of everything. doubting my ability. am i even qualified to take all my other subjectS? im so flunking everything right now. why do tears even fall? they shouldnt. i shouldnt cry. i shouldnt. then why am i? my dad says he is going to cancel our broadband, cos we play too much com. then what do i even do at home? nothing. i cant study. i cant play. im dumb and stupid and fat and ugly. gawd...god help me. please guide me...i still need my strength for my other going to fail anyway subjects. guide me please. give me some strength and motivation. i hope i can get my nice l1r5..or else everyone is going to kill me....and the reason is...i play too much com. i didnt study. i admit that but please pardon me and help me...

wenen_